Boundary Series: Post 3
/
Photo by KAL VISUALS on Unsplash
Sometimes when enforcing boundaries with other people, they just don’t respect the boundaries. So how do you enforce boundaries and work to ensure your boundaries aren’t crossed or broken? Well, that answer involves using consequences.
How can consequences be used when we are talking about boundaries? Using a consequence is a way to help enforce boundaries and a way to let someone know what will happen if your boundaries are crossed. Communicating consequences often allows the person to make a more informed decision about whether or not they are willing to cross or break your boundaries all together. For example, if the consequence of someone speaking to you in a way that you don’t appreciate is that you won’t speak to them again, or severely limit your communication, that person might consider not breaking that boundary if they really value your relationship. Communicating the consequences may also help you feel more justified in your actions if someone does in fact break or cross your boundary.
Boundaries are something you can reset over time. Maybe the boundary you originally put in place was because you didn’t know the person or have a close relationship with them. Over time you might develop that relationship to one that is safer and more connected. This may get you thinking about changing your boundaries in that relationship. Since your boundaries are your own, you get to be in control of what the boundaries are and this includes when or if you decide to change them. The main thing being that you need to communicate what your new boundary is and what the consequences are as well. Clearly sharing these new boundaries and consequences reduces the risk of misunderstanding and ultimately reduces the risk of boundaries being broken or crossed.
So, stand strong in your boundaries and use this information to help you create safety in your relationships while simultaneously feeling powerful in your boundary setting suit of armor!
Written by Jessica Kolar, LPC