Anger

Photo by Klara Kulikova on Unsplash

“Anger"

Let’s talk about anger.  For many people, anger is one of the most common emotions that is avoided. Either we avoid becoming angry ourselves, or we avoid being around someone else that is angry. If you relate to either scenario, somewhere along the way you likely experienced anger expressed to you or around you that made you feel unsafe.  And it was likely many times, not just once. 
 
Anger is natural and a part of the human range of emotions we all feel. Like other emotions, we are supposed to be able to express anger in a direct and accepting way. Anger is not supposed to look like screaming, hurtful words, or violence. If that is what comes to mind, you likely experienced unsafe anger around you. And when you experienced it, you learned to suppress or avoid it because it ultimately felt safer to do so. And then you probably responded that way again, and again, until it became a habit. The thing is, you still have anger inside of you, and it is possible it sometimes comes up in bigger ways as the pressure builds. 
 
Healthy anger is doable with practice: “I am really angry she said that” or  “I am so frustrated I have to sit in this traffic.” But at first, it might be as simple as “I am angry” or “I feel anger.” Identify, acknowledge and say it over and over and over again until you learn that identifying and expressing anger in a healthy way is not only safe, but necessary.

Written by Dr. Lacey Wright, PsyD