What Do I Need?

Photo by Greg Rosenke on Unsplash

“What do I need?"

Let’s talk about identifying needs. We all hear about self-care these days. Seems simple, right? Just take care of yourself. The reality is, taking time to check in with ourselves, identify what we truly need, and follow through with meeting that need, is often not as easy as it sounds. It can actually be very uncomfortable if somewhere along the way we learned to avoid our needs and neglect ourselves to feel better in those moments.

For some, healthy, consistent self-care was not encouraged. Maybe there was a parent just surviving to keep the bills paid and unable to practice their own self-care, so we learned basic survival was all there was. Or perhaps there was a parent that put their feelings first and directly shamed you when you expressed needs. You might also have learned excellent self-care as a child, and now work for a boss that discourages or even criticizes attempts at self-care. Either way, if we learned not to neglect our own needs at some point in our life, we have to learn or re-learn how to prioritize them again.  Being a grown-up does not mean we just automatically know how to do things.

Ask yourself “What do I need right now?” If you have an immediate answer, identify the first step to make the need happen and go for it. If you don’t have an answer, that’s okay. Keep practicing. If the question makes you uncomfortable or you want to avoid it, definitely keep practicing. Slowly, we can learn to focus in on ourselves again safely, trust ourselves, and make it happen without feeling anxious or guilty. Every part of our life can start to look different as we show up as a more cared-for version of ourself.

Written by Dr. Lacey Wright, PsyD