Keeping the Peace

Photo by Linus Nylund on Unsplash

Keeping the Peace

Let’s talk about the idea of “keeping the peace.” Of course, peace is generally considered a positive concept, and is in most contexts. However, in relationships, keeping the peace is a different story. Healthy relationships will NOT always be peaceful. Let me explain.

Relationships take work and naturally involve disagreement and discomfort at times. Identifying, expressing and exploring the thoughts, feelings and needs of each individual can create waves that will disrupt that illusion of peace. If one has learned to keep the peace over having those necessary and uncomfortable conversations, then communication is stopped, growth is stifled, and suppression often follows. We often learn the peacekeeper role from an early age.

Instead of a peaceful relationship, the goal is an emotionally safe one. A relationship where both individuals are able to show up, have uncomfortable conversations, hold a safe space for one another and listen, and regulate themselves as needed throughout and afterwards. We should never fear expressing how we feel in truly safe relationships. We should not worry about the reaction of the other person to the point that we silence ourselves. That is a sign that something is not okay.

Check in with yourself next time you hesitate to express yourself, even if just for a moment. Are you stepping into the peacekeeper role? If so, try to identify what you are afraid of and remember that keeping the peace is not the long-term solution that you deserve in your relationships.

Written by Dr. Lacey Wright, PsyD