I lost my dog, Cali, last week. She was an unforgettable shepherd I had the privilege of having by my side for almost 13 years. I talk a lot about grief in sessions, helping my patients identify it, understand it, and feel it. And here I am, navigating the grief storm and the painful waves that it brings myself.
We are supposed to feel grief, it is the human experience of emotionally processing a loss. Some grief is anticipatory, and we have time to prepare (though that does not make it any less painful), while other grief is sudden and shocking. Either way, in an instant, our lives change and that loss is supposed to be felt. The feelings will not just be sadness, they will involve anger, guilt, bargaining, denial, and/or acceptance. They come at different times, in no particular order, and can last a lifetime.
One of the most powerful tools to process grief is to name it and allow the waves of emotions that it brings. Notice how they show up in your body, and recognize they represent a deep loss that you are supposed to feel. The second most powerful tool is to verbalize it. I often see individuals grieving alone, usually because we have learned not to burden others around us. The thing is, those around you are likely grieving anyway. Talk about them, bring up the loss, share the memories, look at the pictures. That is how you will continue to digest the feelings and move towards more acceptance over time.
Grief is not depression and it is not problematic, it is a universal emotion. Grief represents the love you had and the loss wound that now requires care. And if anyone ever tells you that the loss of a pet is not valid, they are painfully wrong.